okay, so it's actually now like 3 days late...but this is the first time i've had internet since i wrote this...hopefully access will be a little more consistent from here on out!
w/p -- 4:32pm. 02/12/09. [shanghai].
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a few things to note from the onset:
- i don't really know how to properly 'blog'...so this could be a struggle.
- i'm hopelessly scatterbrained...which could be an issue for flow & coherence.
- i love traveling...it’s my favorite! [except for the leaving people behind part…].
- one of my newly discovered absolute favorite things to do is to just drive…drive and listen to audiobooks and podcasts through the stereo .
- i'm not exactly the most organized person you'll find...i like to generalize my tendencies as organized chaos. ha
- i don't always type perfectly...but i like to think my style is extremely easy to follow [typing slang if you will].
- i’m pretty sarcastic [or i’ve heard ‘sassy’ used, too]…ha. no, but seriously.
- i prefer to type in all lower-case [especially i’s]...it's much easier and more modern.
- i like ‘bullet-pointing’...it helps keep me focused, concise, and is easier for my brain to visualize/memorize when studying.
- i'm pretty random to say the least...i have a lot swirling around up there.
- i have an increasingly selective memory...all signs pointing to either possibly adhd or eventual alzheimer's--neither of which is a good thing.
- i love photography...even though i am soo commercialized with my canon digital slr from best buy and tourist-sized carrying bag—but hey, easyyy…i'm learning.
- i love best buy...definitely the most useful store around.
- i’d definitely say i’m pretty easy going…but my one pet peeve that comes to mind is when i’m watching or seriously listening to something and people just talk. [obviously not in public, just when it’s avoidable].
okay…well that’s good for now; i’m tired of trying to dissect myself. now to the main reason i even thought about starting a blog…i’m getting on a plane here in chicago in <15 style="mso-spacerun:yes"> i’m headed to shanghai, china, where i’ll be living on the donghua university campus, and taking classes through the study abroad program [cet].
it’s crazy that this day has finally come…i can remember nearly 4 months ago when after hearing everyone in class sit around and talk about their plans for study abroad in the upcoming summer and semester…and then there was me having just decided that i was done with chinese after having a pretty rough return to it after the 4-month summer hiatus. i had given up hope that i could ever actually master this language fully enough to make all of the time, effort, and stress, worth it. i was done. it wasn’t until i attended the study abroad fair in about the middle of the semester that i gave it another thought. while walking around to the different booths picking up pamphlets for myself and my friends as requested, i passed by the financial aid/scholarships table, and so then i thought: i wonder what the different options would run me? so i proceeded to talk with the nice lady, and long-story-short, we decided that the costs of any of the summer programs would be significant, as none of my financial package from the university would/could be applied to them. ironically, if i would choose rather to go an entire semester, it was quite a different story. they would pay me to go a whole semester…yet i would have to pay significantly to go for just 8 weeks in the summer…crazy huh!?
so yeah, then i found myself sitting there in class listening to everyone else’s dreams and linguistic ambitions…and something like an egg timer went off in my head…and i realized that i still wanted it. i still wanted to go for the challenge; i wanted to have that international experience that i had always hoped to have. so pretty haphazardly and vigorously, i quickly jetted around campus every free moment i had to try and figure some things out: can i still do this? when are the deadlines?? should i do this!? wait a minute…seriously?!
so to jump ahead, basically i went through several different avenues and vessels to: [1] get recommendations and forms filled out, [2] check with football and my other commitments on the possibility of receiving pardon for my impending absence, and [3] drafting several essays [one even in chinese!] and everything short of insisting that i be allowed to participate in the upcoming semester’s program in shanghai. ultimately, i ended up being accepted some 3-4 weeks past the applications due date. what a wild & crazy chain of events!
needless to say, i have had several months since to become acquainted with the idea that in matter of months, then weeks, then days, and now hours…that i would actually leave everything behind me and take a leap larger than even the travel/adventure/spontaneity enthusiast like myself could possibly be ready for. [sidenote: i know that(ß) is improper sentence structure…ending with a preposition…yatta yatta yatta…bLaH…haha, but seriously, who cares? i mean, is it not the way most of us would say that sentence anyways?...hmmm…anyways, okay, sorry for the tangent…it happens] okay, where was i? oh, yeah—so these past few months have been anything but typical for my standards. i’ve enjoyed telling everyone who asked about my upcoming escapade and having them all be excited for me. it felt nice. i spent the rest of the time trying to finish up another semester successfully, and then putting in time with football once the rest of the student body left for the holidays.
it was long…it was cold…but hey, we won, right?! haha…yeah, i’d have to say it was worth it overall! obviously not being a very vital part to any of the successes our team had, [sad, i know…] i had the unique perspective/luxury/burden of having what was simply a first-class/behind-the-scenes view of the terrific season that was. so all-in-all, it’s been pretty bittersweet. i have certainly loved getting to know all the guys these past couple of years and hope to continue in that direction once i return. life at the collegiate athletic level has certainly been a winding road thus far…having to realize and admit one’s shortcomings is always unsettling. [and] so while it’s hard not playing and playing the role of supporting cast, it’s never been hard to see why. i’m always amazed by the talent that surrounds me—the guys are all great in their own respects—and at the end of the day, i’m able to take comfort in knowing that our best are out there playing for the university and representing it well. [historically well this past season i might add!] after all, if i’m good enough, i’ll play. if not, i must not be doing enough to earn the chance. so we’ll just have to wait and see what the next chapters in this book from life’s library holds.
[to continue:] as i alluded to earlier, i’m truly thrilled to have the opportunity to experience, first-hand, life in a region that most will never see. i’m eager to be challenged and ready to do some cool traveling on my own and with my new friends. however, i’d be lying if i said that all of the emotions inside me were of enthusiasm and wonder. as a matter of fact, most of the sensations i’ve felt most recently have been those of anxiety, fear, and worry.
i haven’t been in class for over 6 weeks now…moreover, i haven’t been around any significant chinese in that same span. this worries me. although one would think that 6 weeks wouldn’t be nearly as detrimental as 4+ months as with summer break, i still have my worries. yeah, yeah, i know i should have been practicing/studying/doing things on my own in all this time off, but that’s really just pretty hard to do when no one i knew outside of school speaks one word of chinese—at least nothing more than the occasional translations provided by a fortune cookie. so the notion was always there that i should be doing something more proactive, but it’s just hard. [and] as is often times the case, the longer i kept putting it off, the less likely/realistic it seemed meaningful to get serious and get my head into the game.
so i’m definitely struggling with the fear of failure and inevitable rough patches that lay before me. i’ve been able to speak with a handful of friends and family lately, and it’s been nice to get some encouragement and support. many have offered me a timeslot in their thoughts and in their prayers, and of others i have asked for the same. it’s going to be a struggle in soo many ways, and i know that. i’m just hoping that in the end, i’m a better student, a better servant, and a better person for having gone.
without many churches i assume, i’ll definitely struggle sometimes with my faith and being proactive about it. i feel that recently i have found something of a renewed spark in that sector of my life, and i hope that this, along with continued support and prayers from my friends and family closest to me, will help me to use this opportunity and this experience to further extend His kingdom into places where it surely is needed. while i’m certainly passive by nature, i hope to make considerable impact on all those with whom i interact in some meaningful way.
i think this’ll probably wrap up the first of hopefully many entries to come. i plan on doing a better job of keeping a running account of my life while in the orient than i have been known to do in the past. that being said, it wouldn’t surprise some if this were the first, last, and only entry ever actually posted! haha…but seriously, i do plan on making a better effort this trip. i have never been good about ‘journaling’ per say, but the idea of being able to type out all of my randomness as opposed to more carefully crafting hand-written entries to conserve paper and abstain from cramps sounds wonderful to me. so please, welcome to my blog; i hope you enjoy what you read. i will try to keep it interesting in these larger entries, as i know they’ll likely be few-and-far-between.
i also plan on starting a daily photojournal. i’m not quite sure where i’ll post this, whether it be on this page, or via the link provided on this page to my picasa web albums. i think that may be the best option, actually. picasa’s pretty great—very easy-to-use. so keep an eye out for that…hopefully i’ll start that either today before i leave if i can find some internet access and time, or maybe i’ll work on it on the plane ride over and get that project underway upon arrival in 中国. it should be an easy enough way for me to maybe give a glimpse into my day-to-day activities, and to show you a cool photo from that particular day. this will hopefully help me to remain diligent in my photo-taking. as for the web albums, you can just click on the link and it should take you to my page…a page which i hope to either upload all of my pictures, or at least all of the quality ones [as with my new camera i have the tendency to snap-snap-snap away and take too many similar shots].
alright, well, i’m actually writing this offline [as my sketchy hotel doesn’t offer internet…more on that later maybe], so hopefully this will be posted before my flight takes off in the morning!
until next time,
再见
w/p
11:00pm. 02/09/09. [chicago]. ————— 1:00pm. 02/10/09. [shanghai].
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